Daily Prompt: Shape Up or Ship Out

Write a letter to the personality trait you like least, convincing it to shape up or ship out. Be as threatening, theatrical, or thoroughly charming as is necessary to get the job done.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us UGLY.

Dear Paranoia,

Psychology Wiki says,

Image

“In popular culture, the term paranoia is usually used to describe excessive concern about one’s own well-being, sometimes suggesting a person holds persecutory beliefs concerning a threat to themselves or their property and is often linked to a belief in conspiracy theories.

In psychiatry, the term paranoia was used by Emil Kraepelin to describe a mental illness in which a delusional belief is the sole, or most prominent feature. This usage is now largely obsolete and the term is more typically used in a general sense to signify any delusion, or more specifically, to signify a delusion involving the fear of persecution. The exact use of the term has changed over time, and because of this, psychiatric usage may vary.” (http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Paranoia) 

 

I don’t think I’m crazy or paranoid really.  However,  for the past six months of this year I noticed that I’ve been overly concerned or worried about my life to the point that I’ve visited the hospitals several times this year.  Seriously, right at the onset of pain (anywhere in my body) I’d panic and go to the hospital.  I don’t give myself time to just relax and wait for that “whatever-kind-of-pain” to go away. Yes, I pray but I pray really fast thinking that I might die or what while praying.  Ha! Now, that just sounded crazy. :0

I’ve spent many sleepless nights–praying, reading the Bible and talking to God, begging that He doesn’t take my life just yet.  Many times, I’d find myself wide awake at 2 in the morning staring into nothingness with sweat hands and heart palpitating fast and when I cannot bear the fear anymore, I’d get up, start pacing around my room, use the bathroom, then sit at the edge of my bed, pray with the Bible in my hands, and when I am too tired from panicking or being afraid, I’d just fall asleep then wake up after a couple of hours.   Sounds tiring, huh? Sadly, “this” does not only happen when I’m home, it also happens whenever I’m out traveling or sailing. 

But God has been gracious.  He has never left me alone.  He’s been strengthening me through the people that He sends me and for that I am very grateful.  He even sent me someone who has done nothing but stay with me through all these.  She’s like my personal on-call doctor.  I hope that one day I can be able to repay everything that she’s doing for me.  I know God is blessing her more. 🙂

I am not fully well yet. I am still have my episodes but by God’s grace I am able to manage “this” better.  I am more reliant on God’s promises.  Day in, day out, I claim His promises and He’s making me stronger each day.  He’s been opening my eyes to the reality of things.  He’s been helping me understand “this” better that I may live my life better.  I know things happen for a reason.  I may not exactly know God’s reason for letting me go through this but I know for a fact that He has the best intentions in mind. I may be going through this to refine me and to bring me closer or it could to be a better witness for other people around me (so I may be able to empathize and sympathize more) or it could be both. 

So, Paranoia, thank you for coming into my life.  Thank you for being a part of my 2013.  I know someday soon you’re going to live me–stronger, braver, and more God-fearing.  Thank you for helping me be more patient, more appreciate of life, and more determined to live a healthier lifestyle.  Oh, and thank you for helping me shed a couple of kilos. Hehehe.  I can actually laugh now without feeling and seeing my cheeks bulging. 🙂

God bless and have great Sabbath!

Love,

Shiela

 

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