While busily teaching Science in my After School class today, I accidentally cut a teeny part of my left index finger. while leafing through the pages of that new Science textbook. It hurts. It bled. At the sight of blood gushing out of my skin sent me to the bathroom panicky. I recited Psalm 23:1 “The Lord is my Shepherd…” as I washed the tiny wound. Haha. I am one scared chick. Sometimes I toughen it up especially during blood tests and all but most of the time I chicken out. Haha. The pain from the paper cut lingered on for minutes. Very painful! Hooooo! Good thing I carry a safari themed band-aid. It totally came in handy.
There is really something about my pain that makes me fear it. I know there’s the cliches “There’s sunshine after the rain” or “Time heals all wounds” but as much as possible by the grace of God I shield myself from anything that could give me pain. Seriously.
Let’s talk about something really interesting…Why do you think I am still single until now? Well, it’s because I’ve been very careful with people I welcome into my life, with people I allow myself to be vulnerable with, or people I hang out and make memories with. I agree with what Peyton Sawyer said in One Tree that people always leave. Yes, they do. It can be for educational, career, or relationship reasons, and we can’t prevent them because they can’t prevent us either.
I don’t know what lies ahead. Yes, I want a life with someone, build a home with someone but I still freak out at the thought of saying “yes” to someone, you know that initial step before fully enjoying the ups and downs of being with someone…Ughhh. What’s wrong with me? I have to pray more, I guess. Besides I am not getting any younger anymore. So help me God.