Trial upon trial upon trial upon trial…Can’t this get any worst? Wow! This week by far is the most dramatic of this year 2014. Isn’t “I pity the man you marry” enough for me to sit quietly in the corner and retrospect? Today, something unexpected happened–again. After feeling all happy and vibrant during the morning worship a older friend at church told me something that pulled my emotions down. Wow! How am I supposed to react on something that is not even my fault in the first place? How do I defend myself without giving excuses or dropping names? I listened patiently to every word she said while at the same thought of the best thing to say. I got to be matured enough in dealing with things and I have learned fighting everything is not what God wants me to do. I know I have to learn to choose my battles. I politely told her about what really happened and that there is nothing that I can do about what already transpired. Then the A word came out, Apologize. Wow! Rewind, please. How did I hurt you? How did I disappoint you? I just said my piece on the issue then announced about something I WAS TASKED to announce. Was it grievous? NO. Yes, you may in the momentum of the discussion but please things happen. Giving the announcement was not supposed to ruin the discussion…it was just a break and I had to do it since I was already the one holding the mic.. Aaaaa…
Why is it always me? Why does it have to be me all the time? When I keep quiet, people think there’s something wrong with me. When I lose weight, people think I’m sick. When I don’t put on make up, people think I’m sick-er. Whenever I address an issue, people think I’m trying to be smarty pants. When I raise my voice for emphasis, people think I am mad. Man, whatever I do, people always find something nasty to say. If there’s nothing they can say, then they go and talk about me to people who also wonder why they’re talking about me. What’s wrong with the world? (It’s not people but some people.)
I was really feeling all discouraged this afternoon and thought of moving to another church and start anew. However, I was just elected into an office in the youth association around the city so I cannot really be “churchless.” This is not the first time that something like this happened. Before, I just swallowed all my pride and cried about it. However, today I chose to publicly apologize for something that is not my fault. I did it for people to hopefully stop talking about me (but I doubt would) and also for myself to give me peace of mind. I know my heart and mind won’t stop wondering who said negative things about me. I know I would be wallowing and be feeling depressed for hours or days and I can’t allow that to happen to me. I don’t want to kill any of my body cells. So, I publicly apologized by the grace of God. It was not rehearsed, however, it was prayed for.
I really hope that people would be more considerate, understanding, and open-minded of things. I hope they won’t be so quick to judge. I hope they would investigate first and know really the real score about things before saying nasty things about people (though it’s still wrong to say nasty things about people.) Here’s my take on this: iF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME, TALK TO ME DIRECTLY AND PLEASE STOP TALKING BEHIND MY BACK or IF YOU HEARD PEOPLE TALKING MEANLY ABOUT ME, PLEASE AVOID THAT CROWD OR MAYBE KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. I am not perfect. I am far from being perfect but everyday I’m learning. Everyday I pray for God’s continuous guidance, protection, and character to be seen in me.
It’s 11:28p.m. and I’m very sleepy so I pray that God will bless me with a clearer mind, purer heart, and gentler spirit. God bless us all!